To Begin With...
Hello there - welcome to Friday! The best of all days is upon us!!
Forgive me for being so absent. It's been a busy month with friends visiting, grad school starting (3 classes AGAIN this semester - I'm a jerk to myself), and other hullabaloo and I'm afraid that when my little life becomes oversaturated with tasks and demands, my fun little side projects are the first to fall off. I've been writing this post in my head for some time now, though. There is an internal game of ping-pong that goes on in my noggin on a daily basis and I figured I'd share it with you.
How It Began
A month or so ago (maybe more, I don't remember) I decided that losing weight this year was not nearly as easy as it was last year with Billy on deployment. This should come as no shock to anyone. When he's home, there's more dining out, ordering in, and for that matter more cooking (he frowns on popcorn and wine for dinner for some reason). It's also harder to make time to run, even during this whole training situation. Running around 2 schedules is trickier than just worrying abuot me, you understand. Whatever. So I went to the gym and got a personal trainer. During my "in" assessment, she pretty much looked at me and was like "why are you here?" to which I said "I want to lose 15-20 lbs and not have so much jiggle". She went through the assessment and showed me the print out (I can't find my copy - I'll scan it in when I can find it) and told me that I was silly. I was pretty much maxed out on cardiovascular wellness, heart rate lowness, bicep strength, body fat percentage (17%, for the record - that's really good) etc. She looked at me and said "People come to me to get to be like you. But if you want, you can come once a week".
And so I did. For about 4 weeks. During those sessions when she was having me row on that silly row machine or do circuit training or whatever it was, she'd always say "I've never seen anyone do this good this consistently" or "You're the first person I've trained here that finishes a workout stronger than they start". You'd think this would make me stoked - but it didn't. I stopped going because I didn't really think it was doing much for me that I couldn't do myself.
Besides, I wasn't going to a trainer for affirmation, I wanted to LOSE WEIGHT and it wasn't (isn't) happening!! I didn't need her to tell me how much I didn't need to be there - I needed her to tell me what a chunk I was so that I'd run faster/push harder/go longer.
The Conundrum
And all of that leads me to this problem: The reason (I think, anyway) that I can't lose weight is that one half of my brain is like that trainer lady telling me that I don't need to, and so I don't.
I know how to lose weight. I spent 6 months last year chronicalling my desire to dominate the scale and get thinner and solid-er before Billy came back from deployment. If calories in < calories out, weight loss will occur. Create a 500 calorie deficit every day, and you'll lose 1 lb a week. It's simple math. I get it. I've been doing this for a loooooonnnnngggg time.
Where I go astray is when the other side of my brain pipes up. The one that says, "Ash, you are fine the way you are. Other chicks would kill to look like you. You are healthy and you don't count calories and you drink wine and eat carbs and people like you for that. So go ahead, have another slice of pizza and sleep through your alarm when it wakes you up to run tomorrow!" All of that sounds well and good, right? Sounds like a normal, healthy frame of mind. But when I put on jeans that I bought last year that used to be "fat day" jeans and now even they are too tight, or I want to cry when I see pictures of me in a bathing suit and I really WANT to lose 15 lbs again, it doesn't help.
In Conclusion
Please, please, PLEASE don't think this is one of those "oh, I'm so unahppy with myself, everyone please write a lot of comments about how great I look so I can get some kind of validation" posts. That's NOT what I intended this to be, and I hope it didn't come across that way. What I'm trying to convey is this weird flip-flopping that goes on in my head DAILY (I can see Billy's eyes rolling right now and he's saying "Man, I'm glad I'm not a girl.")
Side one: I want to lose weight and be uber fit and healthy and motivated.
Side two: I don't want to worry about having a second brownie because I do alright for myself as it is.
I can't be the only woman (or person, for that matter - no need to rule out man imagee issues) that goes through this, can I? It is indeed a conundrum.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
Creature of Habit
Happy Labor Day!!! (Redux)*
If you missed it last week, I'm a creature of habit. Day in, day out, I like the same things and people, same cocktails and locations. I have always thought that my time is very valuable (can't get it back, you know?) and so I tend to spend the spare time that I do have engaged in past times that I find particulary enjoyable. These are generally: beaching, surfing, reading, running, rum-ing, and...being? (not sure if that one counts, because it's not really a past time. Meh. My blog. I call the shots.) The point of this? Well, I went back and read my Labor Day blog from last year.
Now, I don't remember exactly what I did last Labor Day weekend, but I am pretty sure that it was almost exactly like this one. Billy is here this year, so natch, I had a lot more company this year BUT...it was almost exactly the same one year later. Am I'm boring and predictable? Probably. I like to view it more like "at the relatively young and buoyant age of 27, she already had cultivated her tastes so acutely that there was little room for refinement." Yes, that sounds better.
Since this is a blog about my running, it should be noted, most importantly, that I ran the same race last year that I did this year. Go fig...
The Race (Redux)
Almost exactly 1 min/mile slower than last year. And I'm not even mad about it. Billy and I had such a good time on Sunday morning. We ran with our dear friend and fellow runner, Kale, and 20K went by relatively quickly. The 3 of us crossed the finish line at the same time (right around 1:51) and in that nearly 2 hours developed quite the commoradarie.
I was going to break down where we finished overall, in our age groups and blah blah blah...but if you want to figure that out, you can just go here. I don't much feel like it right now. Most notable, however, was that Billy finished 26th in his age group. Do you remember the last race when he finished 262 overall?! HELLO!!! It's a sign! Marathons are 26.2 miles!! Get it?! I love this crap.
Also worth noting? Those of you who have been following me recall my feet looking like this, or this or this. Naturally, you will all be very disappointed to discover that nary a blister was procured on my precious tootsies during the race yesterday. Do not dismay, however! Billy Haas has officially entered runnerdom! Behold:
Billy earned his VERY FIRST blood blister! Congratulations, my love! He looked at me yesterday with concern in his eyes, waving his foot in my face and sputtered, "But I NEVER get blisters! EVER!!!" It took everything I had in me not to snarkily reply "Yeah, well you never ran before either, did you?" But I didn't. Because I'm just so darn proud of him and his little toe blister! Our longest run before the race - and therefore Billy's longest run ever - was 11 miles. When we hit the 11 mile mark yesterday and still had 1 1/2 miles to go, he turned and gave me and Kale high-fives. Every new distance is a new milestone for him and that's pretty cool. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: he's the driving force behind all the races, goals, blisters, and miles. I'm just along for the ride on this one.
Cheers!
And on that note I shall say "Happy Labor Day!" again, and get back to the business at hand, which is the same as the business last year at this time, and will inevitably next year as well: beaching, wine-ing, Jimmy Buffett-ing and grilling. Why mess with a good thing?!
*I am pretty drunk being as it is almost the end of Labor Day and I'm Ashleigh. Forgive the writing and any typos - I'm not proofreading.
(Ed Note: While writing this, Billy came up to me and was all "LOOK BABE!!! I have a blister on a toe on my other foot too! CRAZY huh?!" Yes, dear. Totally weird.)
If you missed it last week, I'm a creature of habit. Day in, day out, I like the same things and people, same cocktails and locations. I have always thought that my time is very valuable (can't get it back, you know?) and so I tend to spend the spare time that I do have engaged in past times that I find particulary enjoyable. These are generally: beaching, surfing, reading, running, rum-ing, and...being? (not sure if that one counts, because it's not really a past time. Meh. My blog. I call the shots.) The point of this? Well, I went back and read my Labor Day blog from last year.
Now, I don't remember exactly what I did last Labor Day weekend, but I am pretty sure that it was almost exactly like this one. Billy is here this year, so natch, I had a lot more company this year BUT...it was almost exactly the same one year later. Am I'm boring and predictable? Probably. I like to view it more like "at the relatively young and buoyant age of 27, she already had cultivated her tastes so acutely that there was little room for refinement." Yes, that sounds better.
Since this is a blog about my running, it should be noted, most importantly, that I ran the same race last year that I did this year. Go fig...
The Race (Redux)
Almost exactly 1 min/mile slower than last year. And I'm not even mad about it. Billy and I had such a good time on Sunday morning. We ran with our dear friend and fellow runner, Kale, and 20K went by relatively quickly. The 3 of us crossed the finish line at the same time (right around 1:51) and in that nearly 2 hours developed quite the commoradarie.
I was going to break down where we finished overall, in our age groups and blah blah blah...but if you want to figure that out, you can just go here. I don't much feel like it right now. Most notable, however, was that Billy finished 26th in his age group. Do you remember the last race when he finished 262 overall?! HELLO!!! It's a sign! Marathons are 26.2 miles!! Get it?! I love this crap.
Also worth noting? Those of you who have been following me recall my feet looking like this, or this or this. Naturally, you will all be very disappointed to discover that nary a blister was procured on my precious tootsies during the race yesterday. Do not dismay, however! Billy Haas has officially entered runnerdom! Behold:
Billy earned his VERY FIRST blood blister! Congratulations, my love! He looked at me yesterday with concern in his eyes, waving his foot in my face and sputtered, "But I NEVER get blisters! EVER!!!" It took everything I had in me not to snarkily reply "Yeah, well you never ran before either, did you?" But I didn't. Because I'm just so darn proud of him and his little toe blister! Our longest run before the race - and therefore Billy's longest run ever - was 11 miles. When we hit the 11 mile mark yesterday and still had 1 1/2 miles to go, he turned and gave me and Kale high-fives. Every new distance is a new milestone for him and that's pretty cool. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: he's the driving force behind all the races, goals, blisters, and miles. I'm just along for the ride on this one.
Cheers!
And on that note I shall say "Happy Labor Day!" again, and get back to the business at hand, which is the same as the business last year at this time, and will inevitably next year as well: beaching, wine-ing, Jimmy Buffett-ing and grilling. Why mess with a good thing?!
*I am pretty drunk being as it is almost the end of Labor Day and I'm Ashleigh. Forgive the writing and any typos - I'm not proofreading.
(Ed Note: While writing this, Billy came up to me and was all "LOOK BABE!!! I have a blister on a toe on my other foot too! CRAZY huh?!" Yes, dear. Totally weird.)
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